We had to sentence a first-offender shoplifter, a rather sad young man who had relieved a downmarket store of a pair of downmarket trainers. He was unrepresented, and pleaded guilty in a hangdog manner. "What do you want to tell us about this?" I asked. "Nothing" was the reply. "Are you working?" "No." "Are you claiming benefits?" "No." "What are you living on, then?"
I heard a loud mutter from the Clerk's bench :- "Stealing trainers".
I can cope with a lot of in-court surprises but this one left me and my colleagues in giggles for a few moments, before we imposed the inevitable Conditional Discharge.
I shall take my revenge when the opportunity arises. That Clerk needs to be afraid - very afraid.
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