Of Wigs and Wodka

It's been a busy week, and I haven't had time to comment on the fascinating range of stories that have been in the news. Far and away the oddest was the story of the barrister who was sent to prison for fabricating a legal case and sending it to a litigant with the intention of trapping him into using it in court, so that Mr, Barrister could then denounce it as a fraud. Try as I may, I cannot begin to imagine what was in Bruce Hyman's mind. The judge said that a 12 month sentence was the minimum he could impose, and I have to agree.
Talking of lawyers, there is another story about allegedly poor behaviour by solicitors and Counsel in court. I try to run my court firmly but fairly, and to treat all court users with courtesy but it does try my patience to see a solicitor or barrister, on his feet addressing the court, take a swig from a bottle of mineral water. I will politely invite them to use one of the beakers that are available in the courtroom. They wouldn't do it in front of a judge, and I won't let them do it in front of me.
Cambridgeshire is feeling the impact of the large number of East Europeans who congregate there, mostly to fill the demand for agricultural workers. We see something similar on my mostly urban patch, in particular with offences involving drink, for which many 'New Europeans' seem to have a propensity.

Luck or Justice?

I have never seen a case arising from the notorious S172 notices, which are the ones that require the registered keeper of a vehicle to say who was driving it at a particular time, usually as it passed a speed camera. Last week, I was surprised to see an S172 on my printed list, set down for trial after lunch, and I looked forward to a new bit of law.
We went into court, and the smartly dressed defendant was identified. Our usually-bouncy Crown prosecutor heaved himself to his feet and his demeanour suggested that on this occasion, this bunny was not happy. I will spare you the verbiage, but what he had to tell us was that the CPS had failed to get the case papers into his hands -this for a case that had been adjourned for trial four months ago. The defendant was unrepresented, so I asked him if he had any comment on the CPS' application, and whether he was ready to go ahead with the trial.
We refused the adjournment, and the prosecutor bowed to the inevitable and offered no evidence. We dismissed the charge, and the defendant left, taking with him my chance to hear a good old S172 fight.
That's the adversarial system for you. If the Crown, with all its resources, cannot get an A4 file into the right court on the right day then the bench has a duty to bin the case. Which is what we did.

Why Does This Not Surprise Me?

From The Times:-

September 12, 2007

Courts lose details of offender surcharges
A new £15 surcharge came into force in April but the Court Service's computer systems cannot keep track of it (writes Frances Gibb).

The courts have lost track of how many offenders have paid the new surcharge to victims of their crimes because its computer systems cannot cope.

The new £15 surcharge, to be paid by all offenders who are fined, came into force in April. But information obtained by the Law Society magazine, The Gazette, has shown that the Courts Service did not have computer systems capable of accounting for or keeping track of victim surcharges when the scheme took effect.

The computer system still cannot calculate the rate of recovery or even how many people have been surcharged, its Freedom of Information requests disclose.

What a typical bit of late-era Blair lawmaking! Rush in a charge that takes not just magistrates and their advisers by surprise, but also Civil Servants who are supposed to account for it.

Here is the full piece.

I think I Must Be Getting Old

Here's the latest scheme to impose order on our brutal and licentious youth:- BBC report. This has all the hallmarks of the Blair-era No.10 sofa. It beggars belief, doesn't it?

Fan Hits Shit

The interesting thing about this assault on Sir Alex Ferguson is the fact that it's off to Crown Court for sentence. That's because the racially aggravated assault on a uniformed PCSO is an either-way offence, far more serious in the scale of things than the unpleasant assault on Sir Alex.
By the way, I am sorry about the headline, but I just couldn't resist it. It was first used, I believe, when the late Brian Clough punched an unruly spectator, giving rise to the headline "Shit Hits Fan".

Numbers Game

I am quietly chuffed that the Sitemeter shows we have just slipped past 700,000 visitors, and 1,000,000 page views.

Old Lag

It is reported that Ronnie Biggs has applied for compassionate release from his sentence. Am I alone in feeling distaste at the continued incarceration of a shambling old man, more than forty years after the crime that he committed as a young man in his prime? Those of us who are lucky enough not to be brought low by a stroke or a heart attack will eventually come to a state where nature has taken its course and reduced us to a condition where any further action by the criminal justice system is pointless at best and cruel at worst.
Enough is enough. Let him out to die in peace.

A Bit More About Car Insurance

There have been a number of comments on the previous thread, that bring to mind the following:-
The Motor Insurers' Bureau will compensate the victims of uninsured drivers for bodily injury and for other losses up to £250,000. This is funded by a levy on every insurance policy, and at present that costs £10-30 per policy issued. If an insured vehicle is stolen and then causes damage the owner's insurance will pay for that damage.
In recent times third-party property damage cover has been restricted to £20 million by most insurers. This follows on the Selby train crash which cost well over £50 million. Fortis was the lucky insurance company in that case, but they were of course re-insured, so the risk was spread across the market, as it should be.
Putting a levy on petrol to cover insurance costs is superficially tempting, but the estimates that I have seen suggest that the cost would be very high, and potentially unfair as safe drivers would pay towards the unsafe ones, with no grading of risk. My car costs about £300 to insure, and I drive about 12000 miles at around 28 mpg, so I would need to pay 15p per litre to break even. A 19 year-old with an old Fiesta would pay about £1750 third-party. Let's say he does 8000 miles at 35 mpg, so he would need to pay nearly £1.70 per litre extra. Not simple is it?

I Beg To Differ

Another blogging JP has posted his views on the very common offence of driving without insurance. With respect, I think that my colleague has got it wrong about the level of fines, and here's why. Firstly, there is no 'standard' fine any more because the Guidelines (see page 72 of the pink sheets) suggest fines at level A B or C, dependent on the defendant's income. Secondly, there has never been any rule that the fine must exceed any premium, and thirdly, many courts such as mine will always disqualify when there is aggravation such as no licence and MoT.
In the old days when fines were highly inconsistent we would sometimes see people in court, receiving benefits, who owed fines in the thousands due to a couple of no insurance offences, and often a lack of car tax too. Someone on £45 per week, faced with a fine of perhaps six months' income, would simply pay nothing. Since there is primary legislation requiring a fine to be readily payable within a reasonable time, we would end up slashing those fines to a manageable level. Like it or not, that means that someone on £47 per week Jobseekers' Allowance cannot realistically be fined more than about £250 in total, which is what you can collect in a year.
Now that we impose realistic fines, and enforce them vigorously, our collection rate has shot up from barely 50% to nearer 90%. We are shortly to put hand-held card terminals into our courtrooms too.

Totally Incorrect - But I Love It

The Police Oracle website has a listing of police slang. These are some of my favourites - the fact that they are funny doesn't necessarily mean that I approve of them!

100 Yard Hero: A member of the public who is very brave and shouts obscenities at a police officer from a safe distance.
Alabama Lie Detector: Police baton.
Bad Call: What your police partner says when they think you need an eyesight test. Usually uttered after you've pointed out a member of the opposite sex.
BINGO Seat: Bollocks I'm Not Getting Out Seat. The seat at the back of a police carrier where the laziest officer sits.
Black Rat: Originally Met traffic officer. Now in general use. Allegedly chosen as a motif because it's one of the only animals that'll actually eat it's own young!
Black Rover: Warrant card, when used as a travel card on bus, tube or train.
Body: Potential/Valued customer wearing handcuffs.
BONGO: Books On Never Goes Out. See also Uniform Carrier, FLUB and Clothes Hanger.
Canteen Cowboy: Police officer, generally young in service. One who likes to advise other officers, usually younger in service than the cowboy. Can be used as a put down, but usually behind the cowboy's back. eg: 'He's a real canteen cowboy that one'
Do you take warrant card?: Method of payment for goods or services by police officers. Practice believed to have been totally eradicated in the early 1900's. More flexible than your most flexible friend. eg. 'How would you like to pay for this curry?' 'Do you take warrant card?' 'That'll do nicely sir'. It has been said that back in the early 1900's some officers in the UK had totally done away with the need to carry any other form of accepted payment on their person.
FLUB: Fat Lazy Useless Bastard. See Uniform Carrier.
G.T.P.: Good To Police. Many things can be considered G.T.P. Shops that provide discounts, curry houses, night clubs that provide free entry etc.
Gurkha: Someone who has forgotten their powers of arrest. Taken from stories from the British army, e.g. Gurkhas don't take prisoners.
Guv: Officer of at least Inspector rank. Someone who doesn’t get paid any overtime.
Gypsy's Warning: When someone is given a 'quiet word' in their ear. Was in common usage until the 90's when it became politically incorrect.
Ker-Ching: as in noise made by a cash register. Usually said out loud shortly after giving a caution for littering (or any other sec.25 worthy offence.) ten minutes prior to clocking off time. Also see over-time bandit.
L.O.B. A call which did not require police presence. Load Of Bollocks, in less politically correct times was often heard on the police radio, was often given by old sweats as a result to a call.
L.A.S. People who make drunks disappear, take our carefully applied bandages off and know which nurses at the local hospital are currently single.
M.O.: modus operandi. The way in which a criminal commits a crime.
Night duty: Shift that starts at 10pm. Usually called nights. Causes zombie like states in some officers, growth of whiskers, night duty bottom etc.
NonDe: Non descript, used when referring to an unmarked police vehicle taken out on obbo's.
Old Sweat: Description of an officer long in service. possible term of endearment. Considered made it, see it, done it.
Olympic Torch: Never goes out. See BONGO.
Onion: Sergeant. Onion Bargie - Sargie. eg 'watch out the onion's coming!'
Over-Time Bandit: Officer who generally uses ker-ching frequently.
Padding: Unscrupulous police practice of adding to a drugs haul to upgrade an arrest and ensure a conviction.
Peckham Rolex: Tag worn by criminals on release from prison.
Probationer:The officer who just gave you a ticket for no seatbelt.
Section House: Large, usually decaying tower block housing young single police officers. Just like the TV program men behaving badly, but on a much, much larger scale. Also see sl*g.
Shiny Arse: Derogatory term for an officer employed in a long term office environment.
Showing Out: The unethical practice of hinting to an officer upon being stopped that you are a fellow officer and therefore not a sl*g. Done in the hope of receiving unfair treatment which we in no way condone e.g 'Have you got any ID on you sir?' - 'Why yes officer, I think I have my driving licence in my brief side pocket'. 'Do you realise you hit 97mph over the hump back bridge 10 miles back?' - 'Sorry officer, I'm court off nights this morning, I'm rushing home to get my number ones'. 'Have you ever taken a breath test before?' - 'Only when I was at training school, I blew under after having ten pints that day too'.
Spin Drum: To perform a search, generally to search a property. 'We're gonna spin his drum'. Spun Drum, property already searched. 'We spun his drum and found nuffink'.
Station Cat: Officer who preens themselves and finds every excuse possible not to leave the factory, work shy, a borderline shiny arse. Not to be confused with Station Cat: a nice, friendly, fluffy whiskered feline whom keeps itself busy by sorting the rodent population at the nick and living on tidbits thrown to it at refs time.
Strawberry Mivvie: Civvie. Civilian police staff. Can be shortened to Strawbs etc.
Thief Taker: Term of praise for a police officer. An uncanny radar-like ability to spot a criminal. eg. 'he's a good thief taker that one'.
Trumpton: Fire Brigade, very adept at cutting the roofs off of slightly dented cars. Rumoured to be prone to stealing, practice believed eradicated back in the early 1900's.
The full list is here.